Avenues - Disability Etiquette

Meeting someone with a physical disability can sometimes cause discomfort, particularly if it is a new situation, and if you’re worried about saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing. This needn’t be an awkward situation. The most important thing to remember is that people with disabilities want to be treated just as you like to be treated. Be friendly and show the same interest you would show when meeting anyone for the first time.

There is some etiquette involved when conversing with people with various disabilities, though, and we offer some guidelines here to help ease those first meetings. But again, don’t let fear of violating any of these suggestions keep you from interacting with someone with a disability. Ignoring a person with a disability because you’re worried you might say or do the ‘wrong’ thing is much worse than actually saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing.

Common courtesies...

When talking with someone who has a disability, speak directly to him or her, rather than through a companion who may be along, including interpreters and personal aides. It is insulting to talk in the third person about a person who is present.

Offer to shake hands when introduced. People with limited hand use or an artificial limb can usually shake hands. Offering the left hand is an acceptable greeting.

Don't lean or hang on someone's wheelchair. Wheelchairs are an extension of personal space.

If possible when talking with a person in a wheelchair for more than a few minutes, place yourself at their eye level.

Treat adults as adults. Call a person by his or her first name only when you extend this familiarity to everyone present.

Don’t pet guide or companion dogs. They are working. However, it’s more than appropriate to compliment the beauty and good behavior of the dog.

Don’t discourage children from asking questions about a wheelchair or other assistive devices.

Never start to push a wheelchair without first asking if you may do so.

Relax. Don't be embarrassed if you happen to use common expressions, such as "See you later" or "I've got to run", that seem to relate to the person's disability.

People with disabilities are entitled to the same courtesies you would extend to anyone, including personal privacy. However, it’s fine to talk about the disability if it comes up naturally, and if you do so in a courteous and respectful way and without prying. Be guided by the wishes of the person with the disability.

Give whole, unhurried attention when you're talking to a person who has difficulty speaking. Don’t talk for the person, but give help when needed. Keep your manner encouraging rather than correcting, and be patient rather than speak for the person. When necessary, ask questions that require short answers or a nod or shake of the head. Never pretend to understand if you are having difficulty doing so. Repeat what you understand. The person's reaction will guide you to understanding.

To get the attention of a person who has a hearing disability, tap the person lightly on the shoulder or wave your hand. Look directly at the person and speak clearly and slowly to establish if the person can read your lips. Not everyone who is deaf or hard of hearing can lip-read. Those who do will rely on facial expressions and other body language to help understand. Show consideration by facing a light source and keeping your hands and food away from your mouth when speaking. For people who use hearing aids, speak in a normal tone; hearing aids are set to standard voice levels. If they ask you to speak up, do. Written notes may also help.

When greeting a person with a severe loss of vision, always identify yourself and others who may be with you.  When conversing in a group, remember to say the name of the person to whom you are speaking to give a vocal cue.

Some people with disabilities don’t exhibit the same types of visual ‘I understand’ cues you may be accustomed to. It might take some time and experimenting before you’re certain you’re both on the same page.

Communicating with someone who is non-verbal…

Expect non-verbal people to communicate.

Ask the person to show you how they indicate ‘yes’ and ‘no’.
 
Find out how the person ‘points’ (with the finger, eyes, fist, etc.)

If there are communication instructions visible, take a moment to read them.

Make sure the person’s communication system is within their reach.

Ask one question at a time and wait for a response. Don’t be afraid to ask open ended, rather than yes/no questions.

When offering assistance...

If you would like to help someone with a disability, ask if he or she needs it before you act, and listen to any instructions the person may want to give. Don’t be offended if your help is refused, and don’t assume anything. If you have a question about what to do and how to do it, ask.

Before deciding whether or not to push a wheelchair up or down a step, curb or other obstruction, ask the person if and how he or she wants you to proceed, and be aware of your own limitations.

Be considerate of the extra time it might take a person with a disability to get things done. Let the person set the pace in walking, etc. 

When giving directions to a person in a wheelchair, consider the distance involved, weather conditions and any physical obstacles they may encounter such as stairs, curbs and steep hills.

When directing a person with a visual impairment, use specifics such as "left a hundred feet" or "right two yards".

When you offer to assist someone with a visual impairment, allow the person to take your arm. This will help you to guide, rather than propel or lead, the person.

When planning events involving persons with disabilities, consider their needs ahead of time. If an insurmountable barrier exists, let them know about it prior to the event. It is also courteous to inform the venue of the number of people with disabilities you expect to have in attendance and what their needs might be. They then have the option of preparing the space and incidentals such as audio visual materials in advance.

When dining with a person who has trouble cutting meat or buttering rolls, offer to help.

Be alert to the presence of architectural barriers in places you may want to enter with a person who has a disability.

If the person you’re with transfers from a wheelchair to a different chair, do not move the wheelchair out of their reach without permission.

A child’s curiosity…

“I was 10 when my older brother, Bob, was paralyzed in an accident and as I was growing up, I saw a lot of interaction between him and others. I remember standing next to him as we waited to go into a restaurant, and having kids come up, eager to talk about his electric wheelchair. My brother, being a guy, was more than happy to show off the controls, but the parents kept pulling their kids away, often with whispered instructions not to mention that the poor man was in a wheelchair. I remember turning to Bob and saying, “Do they think you haven’t noticed?”

As parents, our intentions are good. We don’t want our children to be rude or to intrude on another’s privacy. But in situations such as the one above, our reactions could instead plant other, unintended messages in our children’s minds: Don’t talk to the person in the wheelchair, don’t look at the person in the wheelchair, don’t be curious about them, don’t be their friend, don’t include them. In all innocence, the habit of avoidance may have taken root.

Allow your child’s curiosity. If they approach someone in a wheelchair, join them. Relax. Smile and say, ‘He’s curious. Do you mind?’ Most often, the answer will be ‘No.’ Offer your hand and introduce yourself. While your child is satisfying his curiosity and you’re getting to know the person, you may want to pull up a chair if one is convenient so that you and the person in the wheelchair are at the same eye level.

Instead of unintentionally promoting avoidance, your easy, open and comfortable attitude will help instill in your child a message of acceptance and inclusion.

Keep in mind…

People with disabilities are individuals. Don't generalize about all people with disabilities from your knowledge of a few.

And again, relax, be yourself, be natural, don't force enthusiasm. If you concentrate on the person and not the disability, you’ll be fine.